Old Sayings I've Said, No. 631

Love is blind. Marriage makes it legally blind.

Old Sayings I've said, No. 271

Don’t burn your bridges behind you. Burn them in front of you. Then you won't have to walk so far.

Old Sayings I've Said, No. 621

A penny saved is a penny earned. So congrats on your 1-figure income, cheapskate.

Old Sayings I've Said, No.6,710

Too many cooks spoil the broth. Try substituting a half cup of diced waiter.

Old Sayings I've Said, No. 438

One man's trash is another man's treasure. I hope my neighbor treasures the apple cores and chicken bones!

Old Sayings I've Said, No. 676

Don't kill the goose that lays the golden egg. Wait till you have enough for a big-ass golden omelet!

Old Sayings I've Said, No. 6,233

You can't teach an old dog new tricks, so start 'em early on the chainsaw juggling.

Old Sayings I've Said, No. 31

I cried because I had no shoes; then I met a man who had no feet. I call him Stumpy.

Old Sayings I've Said, No. 71

Look before you leap. Then say something cool, like "Geronimo!!"

Old Sayings I've Said, No. 83

Seize the daybed!

Old Sayings I've Said, No. 29,348

You can't make a silk purse from a sow's ear. On the other hand, silk purses make lousy deep-fried pork rinds.

Old Sayings I've Said, No. 105,960

Every man has his price, but good luck getting him into a shopping cart.

Old Sayings I've Said, No. 91

The squeaky wheel gets the grease; the squeaky mouse gets deceased.

Old Sayings I've Said, No. 374

Practice makes perfect; archery practice makes perforations.

Old Sayings I've Said, No. 7,287

Don't count your chickens before they are hatcheted.

Old Sayings I've Said, No. 744

Laughter must be the best medicine. When I told my doctor I had acne, he laughed in my face.

Old Sayings I've Said, No. 93

The pen is mightier than the sword. I bet that's why banks keep them chained up.

Old Sayings I've Said, No. 86

Beggars can't be choosers. If they could, they'd probably choose not to be beggars.

Old Sayings I've Said, No. 6,336

He who lies down with sheepdogs, wakes up with fleece.

Old Sayings I've Said, No. 822

The grass is always greener where I buried the neighbor.